The Art of Extreme Self Care – Chapter 3 – Disappointment

Sep 23

The Art of Extreme Self Care – Chapter 3 – Disappointment

It’s been a while since I’ve been able to read more in The Art of Extreme Self Care by Cheryl Richardson  (affiliate link). I misplaced the book during our move and now that we’ve been at our new creative nomad job for just over a month I was able to find it again.

Chapter Two was all about loving yourself and actually TELLING yourself this each time you looked in the mirror. I admitted before this was hard for me to do, and it still is. I don’t do it all the time, but it’s easier to look myself in the eye now when I look in a mirror. I’m not looking away. I’m not hiding myself, which is what I feel I was trying to do. I’m also not actively seeking flaws each time I looked in a mirror. Before I read this chapter and worked on the exercises, I was always looking for another patch of roseaca, another pimple, another wrinkle or more droopy skin. Today I’m more apt to just look into my eyes and smile. I need to continue with this practice and I know the more I do the better I will be at loving myself.

While Chapter Two is about loving yourself, Chapter Three is all about disappointing others. I’ve touched on this before regarding clutter and family possessions. It’s gotten easier over the years to say no when people want to give you their cast off items. I simply tell them the truth – we just don’t have the storage space. I also know that we’re looking at spending two months in Germany followed by full-time travel in a 17-foot travel trailer or a motorhome and we’re not going to store many of our possessions, let alone the possessions of another. So I say no gracefully and allow these items to find homes with other family members or to go to a stranger’s home where it becomes a treasured item.

It’s still hard for me to not deal with disappointing people. I truly do want to help them, but I’m becoming more used to the fact that my hands are tied in some cases. In one instance, a guest at the hotel said I wasn’t friendly during check in and I didn’t offer any recommendations for dinner because I’d only lived in the area for a week. She was upset about that. I had to step back from that review and this chapter helped to do that. It’s geared to saying no to a request (to buy something, to work on a committee, to attend an event) but the section about learning to use my voice was useful.

Cheryl says as you think about what happened, ask yourself – what did I do that I feel good about? What language did I use to state my position? What worked best? What would I do differently next time?

I looked back on the interaction with the guest and I believe I was friendly and treated her exactly as I had other guests. She asked for information and I honestly wasn’t able to give it to her. I told her the truth, that I was new to the area. At the time she checked in, there wasn’t anyone else in the office that I could ask for the information. I don’t remember if I offered her a brochure, though, that had the restaurants listed. But I honestly believe that I did my best in my interaction with her at the time.

So what would I do differently? The next day I started to study the brochure that discussed the restaurants. I found out where they were on the map and I checked out their websites and menus if available. I started to ask the hotel owners which restaurants they recommended. When a guest tells me about a place they visited, I make a mental note so I can recommend it to others. Even though we haven’t been able to eat at some of these places yet, either due to cost or to our gluten-free diet, I now have several restaurants I can recommend to guests, I’m familiar with the menu and I can give them directions using the town map. If the questions do get more involved and become more detailed than I’m comfortable with, I’ll either ask for help from the owner or, if I’m alone, I will tell the guest honestly that I’ve been here one month and I don’t know how to answer their question. I understand that may end up getting another upsetting review but if someone is upset because I’m being honest with them that says more about them than it does about me. All I can offer is my best.

I’m going to continue to go through this chapter so the words and exercises can really sink in. Right at the beginning Cheryl says her coach told her to disappoint someone every day. This was so she could feel less guilty or less upset at doing the right thing for her and her goals. I’m sure I’ll have an opportunity to disappoint someone over the next month. I need to remember, though, that my feelings are also important and the last person I want to disappoint is me.

How have you tried to not disappoint someone? Have you been able to be honest and true to yourself in doing so? Let me know in the comments or get in touch on Facebook or Twitter.


  1. I have such a hard time saying no when relatives try to give us stuff, even though I hate clutter. It just seems so awkward when I don’t have a reason beyond simply not wanting it!

  2. I’m getting better at this whole self care thing. Saying No is still a challenge… but Ive definitely learned that I can’t over stretch myself so much,

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