Real Magic Within Relationships

Jun 22

Real Magic Within Relationships

Through June and July join me for Creative Life Book Club. I’ll discuss a nugget of truth from a current book I’m reading. The current book is Real Magic by Wayne Dyer.


 

Chapter Four, Magic Relationships, really spoke to me. It’s difficult to explain, but it confirmed many things I’d been feeling for a long time regarding relationships, especially with those close to me.

To start, we need to go back to Chapter 3 for just a moment. There’s one section that asks us to take one day and have no expectations of anyone. This chapter goes further into that and explains it in a useful way.

First of all, we get to decide what our relationships with other people will be like. We can only control ourselves, not other people. So how do I want to relate to others? What do I want our relationship to be like? I get to choose that. Then, understand that all I can do is process a behavior in someone else, not control it. The more I process a behavior as negative, the more I will get that behavior.

A few years ago while struggling with some behaviors with our son I started trying to make a joke out of it by calling him a smartass. He relished in the title and I even made him a certificate that said “Smartass of the year.” But while this felt fun at first, we just ended up getting more smartass behavior. Nothing changed. I was studying language and our words at the time and one of the messages during our church services was to speak life over a situation. So I knew I had to change my words about my son. I stopped the smartass jokes and over time the behaviors stopped.

After reading this chapter, I want to go further than just the words. I want to love people without judgement. I want to see them as God sees them. I want to see people healthy. I want to see people prosperous. I want to see people living their dreams. This is my new goal now, and as I pray and meditate on the people in my life this is how I want to envision them.

All relationships have a purpose. The people in our lives are here for a reason. They are here to teach us lessons. We are here to teach them lessons. We are all connected. And it all goes back to the Golden Rule – treat others as you want to be treated.

Love is central to a relationship with purpose. Love needs to be unconditional. There is no more, “If you do X, then I’ll love you.” That’s not how God sees us and it’s now how we should see others. Love without judgement. Love unconditionally.

Another part of this chapter that really touched me was the fact that I don’t have to understand my loved ones. I don’t have to understand why my husband says what he says or why my son does what he does. I just need to accept them without judgement. I can guide my son and even my husband, but there is no control. There is no ownership of another person. What they are here to do on earth is between them and God. It’s not my place to tell them what to do or not to do. This is difficult for me. I like being in control. But if I’m going to see them as God sees them, I need to hold them in His light and allow them to be themselves.

I also realized that I’ve never really defined what I want in my marriage or relationship with my son, immediate family or friends. When there are behaviors that irritate me, all I know is they irritate me. I couldn’t express why until I realized while reading that it was because they weren’t doing something the way I would do something. They were being different. They were being themselves. So the first thing for me to do was to define what I wanted in a relationship. Then – this is the biggie – I need to SEE them being just that.

I need to SEE my husband being my partner. I need to SEE my son fulfilled and working with his passions. I need to SEE my parents healthy. And this is the biggie – give love without expectation of anything in return.

Now this does not mean staying in a relationship that physically or emotionally harms you. Our first relationship  is with ourselves. If someone is in a relationship that is harming them in some way, then it may be time to send them love and move on. Don’t allow others who are abusing themselves to abuse you.

He gives a few affirmations regarding expectations of others. These also really touched me in a sensitive area. I’ve been dealing with some issues regarding a business owner for some time, and for a long time my thoughts about this person have been, “If he didn’t want X, then he shouldn’t be doing Y,” and more thoughts along the same lines. There were days I would get completely worked up about this situation, even though it’s weeks in the past.

But after reading the section in Chapter 3 (Ask nothing of anyone and practice unconditional acceptance) and then developing this further in Chapter 4, my thoughts about this person has changed.  Dr. Dyer says on page 91, “They owe me nothing. I expect nothing of them. I’ll just accept them where they are right now.”

As soon as I read this, my attitude toward this person changed. I was judging him and his business, but it’s HIS business. So if he wants to do Y, that’s his choice, just like running my businesses my way is my choice. He owes me nothing. This has been SO freeing!

So this is my new goal now regarding relationships:

Have no expectations. Give unconditional love. Speak words of life but also, during prayer and meditation, SEE the person the way God sees them. And don’t just do this for others. Do this for myself as well.

Did this chapter touch you the way it did me? Let me know in the comments or get in touch on Facebook or Twitter.

 

 

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